Marriage: A Productive Time Tradeoff
Not much to say here, just a PSA for those who do not have a live-in partner.
The dynamic is basically thus: When you're unmarried, you have a lot of time—time that could be used to pursue your passion projects, but it's very difficult to prudently & consistently adjudicate all of that plentiful time; when you're married, you have much less time, but it's much easier to effectively utilize that time toward your chosen pursuits.
This dynamic does not hold true for everyone. Some people are obviously “built different”, whether you want to call them self-disciplined, internally motivated, or flat-out insane. I kid, but I would venture to say such people are not average. Us average folk don't do so hot without external accountability, whether it comes in the form of a school to attend, a job to wake up for, or a spouse to not look incredibly lazy/degenerate in front of.
For those who don't foresee a live-in partner situation happening anytime soon, let me lend this advice: Don't put all your eggs in the “I'll self-improve my way into becoming a self-disciplined & internally motivated person” basket. Yes, there's some wisdom to be had in the time management/good habits literature, but... you can't make up for the material difference between tackling a challenge alone & tackling it with companions at your side and/or cheering you on. We're social creatures at the end of the day.
So what other baskets should you put your eggs in? I think the ideal plan is to join/start a group of like-minded individuals who meet in person on a frequent basis. That's obviously easier said than done. Plan B is to become mutual accountabili-buddies with a family member or friend (also easier said than done, and can be difficult to maintain). Plan C is to find community on the internet... I know: Lots of ways for Plan C to go horribly wrong, but you only need it to go right once.
I'd like to say “post a comment if you have further advice or alternate plans for finding external accountability”, but I don't think this platform does that... I guess give me a follow and maybe we'll start a Discord server or something.
One last note to those considering marriage/children: I was haunted by the depiction of Mr. Darling in Peter Pan (2003), specifically by Mrs. Darling conveying that he puts his dreams away in a drawer (i.e. self-sacrifices for his family). I think many of us fear such a scenario, and I don't have a silver bullet to stave it off, but at the very least you should express this fear to your partner/potential partner as soon as possible. We don't have children, but my partner does have substantial expectations of my time/energy; her being aware of my feared scenario greatly assists us in maintaining balance.
[insert snazzy signoff here]